A…?
….ly?
Yes.

8 years I’ve lived here and it’s finally becoming a problem. Understandably. It bothered me at first but I adapted. Then a little something came along to distract me. Another (less) little one came along to do the same. Now one is in school and the other is more and more Independent and the problem starts to come to the forefront. Not always. It’s been creeping up on me. Mainly when my hormones leave me vulnerable to emotionality and I start to slip into bad places, mentally. Very bad; enough to scare me.

I’ve thought up every solution I could, and each has something that prevents it from helping. Our isolation and the lack of ‘community’ here, is the big one. I’ve looked, I’ve checked every idea that comes to me and nothing is workable. The only possibility I can see is moving… somewhere. Somewhere with community. Somewhere with neighbours and knitting groups. Somewhere I could take classes to further myself or for personal interest. Somewhere we could teach the boys to ride bikes and they could ride to friends houses. Somewhere with a playground and pool for swimming lessons.

I don’t feel like ’somewhere’ exists, and that’s what pushes me over the edge.

So when we were driving back from Maine we stopped at a McDonald’s to catch lunch and a chat with an old friend of Ken’s. It was the kind with a Playland and though we’ve never let the boys into one of those infectious, germ-holes before, we were eager for the chance to chat with old friends so we let the boys loose.

2 days later Ethan was throwing up, and Victor and I were looose. Ethan had that week to be sick, we canceled a trip up to the lake. Victor started throwing up a few days later, and was sick all last week.

Sharon came down this weekend, desperate for time with her grandsons. We went on a nature walk/hike at Child’s Park (pictures up later) yesterday morning and had a picnic for lunch in our yard. Ken threw up in the woods outside our yard shortly thereafter and continued to do so all of yesterday and last night. I have as close to an iron stomach as you can get, but it was *really* close for me last night. Fever, chills, aches, headaches, vomiting, looooseness…. the works. I haven’t been sick like this in ages.

We’re some better today, Ken more than myself (seems I’m a few hours behind him). I hate Playlands.

That was our wake up this morning, screamed at the top of little V lungs from outside our door. He’s been throwing up all morning – unable to keep even water down for more than half an hour. Now, magically, at 2pm he’s miraculously, wonderfully better. He ate goldfish and they’ve stayed put for over an hour! He’s been drinking water like a camel and still his “tummy feel gooD”.

Little kids are such weirdos.

It has become increasingly apparent that Victor (and I) have “the other kind of vomit” (from down below). He’s got diaper rash that would frighten even the most stalwart. His skin is raw and seeping. Poor little dude.

We’re convinced that it’s from the McDonald’s Playland that we stopped at on Sunday. Timeline works out from there and Gods *know* those things are nothing if not contaminated. We’ve always avoided them for that reason. At least the boys enjoyed contracting this bug(s).

I had to mention “no vomiting” didn’t I? That was last night, all night, for Ethan. Thankfully he’s feeling better today and able to keep food down. Good thing, too, since we’re completely out of sheets and towels to cover his bed with. The unfortunate truth being that today I’d planned on mixing up some laundry soap because we’re out (laundry soap takes 24hrs to cure, typically – I’ll have to ignore that today).

Last night Ethan told me that his tummy was angry and I said I thought he must have caught something and he said with utmost seriousness “Yes, I caught a fish. In my mouth.”

Damn fish.

I’ve always had the worry in the back of my head… the “what if”. Last night we lived it out.

We’d stayed up later than usual (normally I try to head for bed around 10:30, last night it was 11:45) because Tommy was on and I’ve never seen it (surprising, given how much I enjoy a good rock-opera – I didn’t enjoy it much, actually). It was going to be on til 12:30 and there’s no way I’m staying up that late on a weeknight, so Ken (who’s seen it) summed up the ending and we went up to bed. While we did we were chattting and something got me thinking… distracted… while I was giving my overnight insulin. (Small aside, I take two types of insulin – a fast-acting one for meals/daytime, and a long-acting one for overnights.) When done injecting I looked down to see my short-acting insulin in my hand. Damn. The problem is that I give a large dose of the long-acting insulin, and I’d just given that quantity – a larger dose than I’d take if you added up a whole day’s worth of fast-acting doses. Bad. Very bad. Enough insulin to kill me, easily. So back downstairs we went, trying to quickly figure out our best option. That ended up being honey… a half-cup full (at first) and then testing my bloodsugar every 20 minutes for the next two hours, adding in more honey (another half-cup, all up) as needed. Ken stayed with me the entire time. The thing we’d been talking about and that had me distracted was the sudden death of someone close to you (like keel over and die – he’d had a sales rep bow out of a meeting because someone died in the middle of a golf game). For that reason, Ken refused to go to bed without me.

We got to bed around 2am. I’m alive (clearly), and have a really angry stomach, still. Gonna be a rough day with that and how tired I am. Hopefully it’ll be the kind of mistake I never make again.

This past weekend we went up to NY to spend with family. Weather was hoT but we managed. Victor, skin sensitive that he is, got a horrible heat rash and his lower back and scalp are covered in itchy, bumpy welts – they’re getting better, though, and should be gone in a few days.

I’m craving lace. I don’t know if it’s a time of year thing or that I’m floundering in what to knit right now (working on a few baby hats for a shower, but my interest is waning. have a few projects for me but they aren’t inspiring me either). I do have a lace stole that’s been on a far-back-burner for a long time, that I could pick up again…. maybe. This shawl is inspiring me right now…

Garden is doing great, though we desperately need rain. Deer didn’t eat too much of it (instead, feasted on the hostas again leaving little else but stems). I need to harvest the rest of the beets and turnips and replant them, but soooo hotttT.

Whine.

I had a follow-up this morning with my dr for some bloodwork I did last week. Awe.some. After stopping horrmonal b/c, my cholesterol has dropped 17mg/dL and is at 178 now (Diabetics are recommended to be lower than 170). My tryglicerides dropped from 90 to 69, HDL went up from 66 to 72, VLDL down from 18 to 14, LDL down from 111 to 92. Awesome. Awesome enough, in fact, that she’s going to let me stop taking my statin for a month to see if my vertigo goes away. If it does, she wants to switch me to Crestor (though I might fight that), if it doesn’t I’ll be seeing an ENT.

My hbA1c went down to 6.9, too (had gone up to 7.1 and anything above 7 annoys me).

I’m super pleased with my results.

Weight loss. Yeah. June 14th he was down to 35lbs and that’s the absolute lowest he can go. So our summer project is to fatten him up. So far so good since he’s up to 36.8lbs now. Let’s hope we can continue to raise that bar. We’re aiming for 38-42lbs by his birthday (to get back onto his growth curve and a bit above it). That’s 6wks so if we maintain the current rate of gain we’re going to make that, easily. I doubt that, since he gained 1.5lbs the first week and only .3 this past week, but I’m ok with that.

Had a seizure today. More consciousness experienced this time than last, so that’s clinically interesting and distinctly uncomfortable. It’s been a while since the last, so maybe I was due for a reminder of how unpleasant an experience it is (I don’t suggest it).

Thankfully Ken was there and right on the ball (natch) but Ethan saw what happened and, afterward, we taught him how to call Daddy at work if something like that should ever happen again when Ken’s not home.

I know I’ve been quiet. I’m sick with a wretched cold wherein I ran out of tissues right at the start, several days before grocery day, so I was blowing my nose (every 2 minutes or so) with TP and now my nose is all raw (despite liberal application of my balms) and I’m still sick and I *feel* sick. I just want to curl up under a blanket and sleep all day for a week.

Sadly, Mommy’s aren’t allowed to get sick, especially not the Stay-At-Home ones who’ve got laundry and dinners and children to manage (at the very least). I’ve also got some knitting that needs to be done post-haste and I haven’t enough time, I fear.

This weekend we got the broom planted, and I’d show you pictures but it’s rainy. And I’m concerned that my tomatoes have thrips (little bug that carries virii) and are all going to die. The positive side of not being able to grow tomatoes for a few years (if it ends up I need to do so) will be I can try growing all sorts of different hot peppers (since they’re doing fine).

Ken thinks I worry too much and they were just out too early and are being wimps. I hope he’s right.

We’re keeping a closer eye on Ethan’s weight, because of his meds, and Victor’s overall size just because he’s huge and that’s amusing.

It’s been a bit over 6wks since we weighed them last, and Ethan’s weight has gone from 35.2lbs to 35.5lbs – not much, but at least it’s up and not down. He’s also been working on his height, since he’s grown an inch since then and is now 43″ tall (at what point do I start referring to his height in feet? 3′ 7″). His weight is now under the 5th percentile, but only by about half a pound so we’re not too worried (he’s always been down around the 5th-10th percentiles).

In the past 6wks Victor’s weight has gone from 37.7lbs to 38.4lbs, and his height is up to 40″ (3′4″) now (up 1.25″ from December!). He’s solidly at the 90th percentile for height and 95th for weight. I always figured on a few more years before Victor was bigger than Ethan – and it will be – but that was based on height. I didn’t realize the impact those extra pounds of muscle would have on the balance of power. They’re evenly matched now – Ethan’s extra height making up for Victor’s extra weight – but who knows how long that’ll last. Hopefully long enough for Ethan to get better at being a nice brother.

Well, just a cold, really. Ethan. The rough part is that we had to give him some cough syrup to help him sleep and the repercussions of that were… less fun. We’ve cut out, entirely, all sources of artificial colourants from his diet and it’s made a huge improvement. His teachers have noticed and commented on it several times. Even the smallest amount (tic tac’s anyone?) sets him off and he’s uncontrollable for hours and defiant, destructive and distracted for days afterwards. Yesterday he yanked the earpiece off his glasses. Last night he ripped all the tissues out of his bedside tissue box. These are *not* things he’d normally do, in any way.

I need to find a source of non-coloured cold medicine (there’s no way he’d be able to handle Buckley’s, sadly). I’m not looking forward to Easter, either. I’ve got a few things, mostly chocolate. I hope he won’t mind us popping the chocolate bunny’s yellow candy eyes off before he eats it. :/

Very slight rearing up last night and this morning. I’m hoping against hope that drinking lots of water will help and not moving around much. It’s not as bad as the past few times, thankfully (yet). I hope it passes quickly.

Saturday night, on one side, my nose was running like nobody’s business. Sunday, on the same side, I found I had an earache. I left it til last night and then tried some hot chamomile to unclog the tube to no avail. So I tried something I hadn’t before: 1tbsp olive oil (anti-inflammatory), 2 drops lavender essential oil (anti-inflammatory), 3 drops tea tree essential oil (anti-bacterial). I warmed that and had Ken put in 3 drops, then lay on my side for a while. Before bed we did it again (without warming it) and I slept on my side. This morning the earache is gone, though my throat is sore on that side. I hate colds!