That’s kinda what friday is. The space between the week and the week end. Quiet, in it’s way, like the quiet before a spring rain.

Today’s set to be warm (77 deg high), sunny, and with mild winds. Yesterday was windier, so the temp didn’t go as high as I expect it will today.

I made a new chowder last night. Well, soup, really… but the recipe called it chowder, so… It was Green Vegetable Chowder. Quite yummy, super easy and fast. The only problem was that I think the green beans (frozen) had little hard bits in them. We found little green-bean-looking-things in the soup when we were eating it. Hard as little rocks, they were. I’ll have to think about that. Perhaps use fresh beans, as much extra work as they’d be.

I’m running low on test strips, and was going to have Ken run to Wal-mart to pick some up at lunch, so we wouldn’t have to make the trip tomorrow. Unfortunately I realized that I would like to go myself to pick up a few things. I need to buy new needles, since I broke my 2nd to last one yesterday. Silly thing. I also want to look at yarns and see if they have a pattern I like to make a shawl. I’ll be wearing a sleeveless dress to Kate’s grad, and dinner will be on the lake. Just in case it’s a bit chilly, I’d like to have a wrap. Normally I might wear a particular, lacy cardigan that’s “been in my family” for years (by that I mean it was my sisters for a long time, then Mom had it, then I had it… overall we’ve passed it around for over 10 years) but it’s missing. I’m sad about that. I hope I can find it. In the meanwhile, I need something white, light and airy, and pretty to use. I’ve got a fantastic, lambs wool wrap that I bought in Florence, but 1) it’s black, 2) it’s *super* warm (warm enough to wear during winter), c) it’s quite large and works best as a full wrap-around, instead of a shawl. Ken was worried I’d not have time to finish my shawl in two weeks, but I reminded him how quickly I’ve made both our blankets. It shouldn’t be a problem.

Today’s more of yesterday, otherwise.

I’ve already got the patio door open, and the bedroom windows/door for some cross-breeze. It’s still a little chilly, but it’s refreshing and saves me from opening them later when it gets hot. They’re saying 74 deg today. Here’s hoping!

Otherwise there’s not much to say. I “dropped” a really large clot this morning. Quite surprising, really. It was larger than a dollar coin (around), and “paper thin”. The dr said I might have some big ones, so I guess this is what she meant! Ken and I are hoping that this means the internal clot is being swept out, and no new stuff is forming (since I’m on couch-rest). I’m hoping that by the time my appointment comes up with Dr Miller next (just less than 2 wks) it’ll be gone, and we can go back to business as usual. Really, I don’t expect to be able to do “business as usual”, but at least I can take it easy on taking it easy.

Last night I felt a little low before going to bed, tested, and was. It was quite a surprise, because my sugar’s were really good yesterday and my bedtime sugar was normal (1.5 hrs before). I ate many more crackers and had a glass of juice, knowing full well it’d put me a little high in the morning. This morning’s test was just below average. What.the.heck?! It doesn’t make any sense to me. I know it’s the baby playing havoc with my system, but I’ve read and read and my insulin requirements are supposed to go *up*, not down! A week ago I lowered my lunch needle, now it looks like I may have to lower my dinner one as well. This’ll be the lowest they’ve been in a long, long time. Not that I’m complaining (though the unpredictable lows are a nuisance), I’m just a bit confused. *shrug* We’ll see how things go.

I decided, this morning, that if British Columbia/Alberta were directly above Vermont, the world would be just about perfect. We’d be able to move to BC (if necessary, given current political events), we’d be close to Karen, close to Ken’s side of the family, close to my side of the family and the Quebequois would be far, far away. Pretty sweet, huh?

Today’s a repeat of yesterday (and the day before, and the day before, ad infinitum). Stitching, taking it easy, trying to not be bored. Meh. Whatchagonnado?

Mkay, so here’s the new version… First Floor, Second Floor, Basement. The images are big (I’d have shrunk them, but quality was lost) but the files are quite small.

The change I made was to the upper-right “tower”/kitchen. Originally the two towers mirrored each other (as the lower-left one still is situated). This new plan makes the kitchen flow much better and would give enough room to fit a bureau-style pantry in the room. The pantry isn’t vital, because we’ll have the cold-cellar in the basement, but it’s always nice to have additional storage.

Ken’s uncertain, though, about the new tower shape. He doesn’t like the 90deg angle at the bottom edge of it. Any outside input/suggestions would be greatly appreciated!

…well, not weird, but it happened. Again. It wasn’t as bad as the night before. I was still in bed, and I actually partly regained consciousness during it because I remember fighting *it*. Normally I think I’m fighting *something*, but this time I was fighting the feeling of fighting something. If that makes sense. I’m fine, and though tired we’re both alright (though frustrated and confused). It’s is a first for me. I’ve never had such a bad low two nights in a row. While waiting for my sugar to start rising, Ken and I tried to figure out what’s going on. The only thing we could deduce is that the past two days’s insulin totals have been over 50uR per day. It’s usually around 40-45uR. Normally this wouldn’t even register, because daily total’s have never mattered to my control before, but this is a new situation, so we’re trying all the options. I’m going to keep a close eye on today’s total though, just to be on the safe side.

Something amusing to us both, though, is how non-chalantly we treat these instances. Several people expressed worry/concern yesterday for my health and the baby. It was very sweet, and we appreciate the love. To us, though, it’s just something that happens occasionally. It’s brief, it’s frustrating, it’s scary for anybody who’s not “used to it”, but it’s also a “no harm done” kinda thing. It sucks, but it’s a part of our life. Thank you, though, for thinking of us.

Today is going to be easy (ha! like it’d be anything else right now). I’m pretty tired, so an afternoon nap is likely in order (I’ve been feeling less pregnant-tired lately so I’ve not been napping). I’m making chili today, but that’s pretty easy to do. Brown meat, chop veggies, toss all in pot, stir occasionally. I’m going to be editing our houseplan somewhat. I realized a few days ago that I was unhappy with the kitchen layout, which is a *very* important part of the house for us both. I’ve been fiddling with drawings, and think I have an acceptable solution though. I’ll post an image when I’ve finished it. I’ll likely also be stitching today. It’s nice to sit in the dining room when the sun’s shining.

…well, maybe not cupcakes.

Today’s gotten off to a great start, despite last night’s problem. I had a low. It was entirely my fault. I was a bit high before bed, so I gave some extra insulin to compensate. I tested *right* before laying down and it was a bit lower than I’d normally go to bed with, but I’d just had my snack so I figured that’d take care of it. Nope. Regained consciousness on the bathroom floor (no idea how/why I was there) with Ken over me trying to keep me from hurting myself and calming me down (him touching me when I seize brings me out of it sooner for some reason). As soon as I was “finished” there was juice and milk and crackers waiting to be ate. All in all it was half an hour from him jumping from the bed to us both going back to sleep. We’re getting pretty damned good at this. I hate that it was my fault. I know it was partly because the perinatologist yesterday emphasized he wanted my morning sugar’s lower. We tried to explain that no matter what method I do to achieve that it just doesn’t happen (they aren’t bad, but dr’s want them super low for some reason that doesn’t make much sense to me). I’ll have to stop listening to dr’s concerning my sugar’s. I know what works for me. I know what my body is capable of. Most importantly I know what it’s limitations are. Many times in the past when I’ve tried to lower my morning sugar’s this has happened (ask my Pop).

Anywho, despite all that last night, we had a very nice morning today. The sun is shining brightly and it’s *just* warm enough to open the patio door. I’ve moved some valance/curtainy things so I can see the bird-feeder better when I’m in the kitchen/stitching, too. Otherwise, today’s going to be a pretty uneventful day. I’m really getting into my stitching, and am excited at how much I’ve done and how little there feels to finish (it’s still more than half, but it’s the easier half). I’m thinking, too, that once it’s done I’ll get started on the big one Ken bought me for my birthday (Christmas?). I’d like to get it done before the little one arrives, because I know I won’t have time for years afterwards.

An extremely wise friend of mine said, recently, that when things seem at their worst you simply need to readjust the zoom on your lens to change your perspective (I’m paraphrasing). Sometimes though, it seems like you can’t do that right away. Time needs to pass before you can stop seeing the center of the storm, and start seeing the edges of it off to the side.

Today we saw a lining. Silver indeed.

The ultrasound went great. It was the “goop on mah belly” kind (external, for you technical types) that you think of when you think of a pregnancy ultrasound. There was the little one, curled up (back towards us most of the time, of course) and punching the “air” around it. Heartbeat was strong and steady. Relief was had. I realized later that if there’s one thing I regret (and there’re not many things in life that I do) is that my pregnancies (likely all of them, though the first I’m sure will be so the most) aren’t going to be happy happy joy joy all the time. Instead of “Hey! Ultrasound! I get to see the baby! *clap*” it’s “Hey! Ultrasound! I hope the baby’s still alive! *bemused/sad face*” That’s alright though. We can deal.

I saw the Perinatologist afterwards. He was a bit late but we didn’t mind waiting. The waiting room was busy, and there was an adorable, smiley baby (and mom) sitting next to us. Dr. Rust called us in and we talked for a bit. The baby’s nuchal fold (fold of skin at the base of the neck) was good (early indication of down’s syndrome). The baby has about tripled in size since a month ago (!). We talked about the bleeding, and as long as it’s not fresh blood (it hasn’t been since the first night 2 wks ago) we’re ok. 1/3rd of all pregnancies has bleeding. Numbers like that are, surprisingly, reassuring. I told him about Mom’s bleeding, and we’re going to add some more blood tests for next week to my already scheduled tests. The rest of what he said was stuff I’d already heard/knew.

My stress level has plummeted since then. I’m not going to worry any more (or try not to) about the bleeding. As long as it’s dark, it’s nothing *to* worry about. The baby looks very healthy, and very normal. My weight is good (I’ve gained about 5 lbs) and we’re looking at a good start to the 2nd trimester.

*deep breath ouuuuuuuut*

On another note, we had a good weekend. We fixed the bumper of the Jeep (yay!) and it looks great. We may have put the brackets on upside down, so the bumper’s a little lower than it should be (shouldn’t affect anything though), and it’s black (instead of grey), but you really don’t notice it. We need to fix a few scratches in the paint, but that’s not a big deal. We liberated 5 forsythia and a huge pile of what I think are daffodile’s from the park. The forsythia are spread around the front yard, and the daffy’s are waiting to be split and planted around the rock-of-ages. I’m glad it’s raining, since it’ll help the forsythia establish themselves.

… but I don’t mind so much. Yesterday afternoon I finally finished the section of the big stitching project I’ve been working on!! It was very satisfying, to say the least. I’m working on a smaller section above it, then I’ll have almost 50% of it done. I’m hoping the 2nd half goes faster than the first.

I’m feeling pretty good today. Normal, or as much as I can feel. Tired, because we stayed up a bit late last night. I had coffee this morning with breakfast… an unusual treat for me.

We watched Mad Mad House last night. Next week is the finale; I’m pretty excited. I dreamed about it too, which is odd for me to dream about a tv show. I was in a store buying books and had to decide on two. I chose one on vampires and one on warriors. *shrug*

I think I’m barely, but just, starting to “show”. When I lay down for bed last night I noticed that my stomach not only isn’t sinking in like it normally does, but it’s slightly rounded *up*. Not enough, I’m sure, for anyone else to notice, but it’s there nonetheless.

I’m both excited and nervous about my appointment on Monday. I hope everything’s still going well with the baby.
…huh… deja vu …
If we get any more pictures of him/her, I’ll have them up Monday afternoon, along with whatever I know about how things are going.

I’ve upgraded myself back to my usual thong. Why am I telling this to my journal, you ask? You have *no* idea how normal I feel right now, and how very good that feels. Yesterday, while stitching, the seams were digging rather uncomfortably into my ass, and things have been going so well that I’m comfortable going back to my normal wear. Oh the comfort!! It’s like that first day that you feel well enough to drag your butt out of bed after several days in bed spent bent over a bucket. You may not feel 100%, but it’s so good to not feel 25% that you can’t imagine it being better right then.

So today’s yet another chair-rest day. I’ll be doing some morning computer stuff, then showering, then stitching. I’m so close to finishing the section I’ve been working on for almost a year (yay!) I can taste it.

It’s also supposed to be really nice out today, though cloudy. They’re saying a high of 76 deg this afternoon. Already it feels pretty warm, and the birds were in such a chorus this morning that I had to open the patio door to let in the fresh, moist air and birdy sounds. The jays are back in force, but they’re such skittish things. They know we can see them through both the doors and the kitchen window (the other birds haven’t figured out the window yet), and as soon as they see us watching them (not just there, but watching) they take off. Ken sneaked up on one this morning and screamed “BLUE JAY!”. He scared it half to death, but it was awefully funny.

It’s a good morning, so far. It rained last night, but I don’t think it’ll do so anymore today. The birds outside are going crazy though! It’s nice to hear. The weather’s supposed to reach a high of 66 deg today. I’ve got the patio door open, optimistically.

I’ve firmly decided to finish those damned socks today. I’m tired of talking about it and then putting it off. I’m not doing anything else, so today is the day, I mean it! I’d like to work some on my big cross stitch project, but I feel guilty doing so when I’ve got so many other things that have a higher priority. Perhaps I’ll do the sock then take a bit of a respite from my priorities and just stitch the afternoon away. Time flies when I’m stitching.

I ordered some flower bulbs yesterday from a catalogue I got. Breck’s was the name, and it had a coupon on the front for $20 off my order, no strings attached. I ordered $15 worth of stuff, and with the $6 shipping I owed them $1.93. Best damned flowers I’ve bought in a long time! I ordered

(‘Lavender’ Mountain Lilies) and

(‘Eye of the Tiger’ Dutch Iris).
I’m thinking, though, that they’ll have to wait until next fall to plant. If I planted them this fall, they’d come up and be beautiful for the people who’re going to buy our home. Now, I’m going to plant things to make the house more curb-friendly, but these ones I want to keep for me. I might plant them in a large pot though, like my day lilies.

Yesterday was a “good” day. There was hardly anything, and what there was was older and more menstrually looking. The bright red, you’re bleeding to death, stuff was really kinda scary. Dr. Miller said I’d bleed for up to 6 weeks, but I don’t know if she meant fresh or old, or in as much as I was that first day. I’m hoping that this lower amount means it’s being reabsorbed. We’ll know on monday, hopefully, if the clot has grown or shrunk. Here’s hoping.

Yet again, I found myself thinking about my initial reaction to last week and regretting my tendency to have the worst possible initial reaction to bad news. I can deal with just about anything, and have, but until I get over that first stage of panic and pessimism, it’s like the whole world is falling apart and there’s nothing that can be done about it and there’s no silver lining. *head shaking* I know that’s not true, and it’s really not *me*, but there it is.

Seriously. With the fickle nature of my body. Yesterday I felt great. Almost no “problems” all day. Some in the evening, which leads us to believe that that’s going to be my “problem” time. We can’t figure out why though. Ken thought maybe I’m more stressed, or less stressed, in the evening, but I don’t think that’s the case. It doesn’t seem to have much bearing on whether I’m pushing the limits of “couch rest” and doing too much, or hardly doing anything at all. I have no idea. However, yesterday I felt great, today… not so much. I’m achy in the uterus. Sounds odd to say it that way, but that’s the long and the short of it. Most of the time you can’t really feel a uterus (from the owner’s perspective), unless there’s cramps. Then it’s like “Hello!” This isn’t cramps, because it’s not fluctuating in waves the way they do. It’s just… sore? Whatever. It’s frustrating because I *know* I’m going to have to take it super easy today, and I’ve got things to do (even as limited as they are). I’ve got the most of the standing-in-the-kitchen part of making bread out of the way. It’s rising in the oven. I’ll just have to split/form it and rise it again (just a few minutes off my ass), then bake (few minutes more). I’m planning on making French Onion Soup today, if possible. It takes a bit of standing to get the onions cut, though, so we’ll see. We picked up some Vidalia onions (they’re *finally* in season… we’ve been waiting anxiously), so it’ll be nice to see/taste the difference.

Otherwise I’m restricting myself to the computer or the couch. Bo-ring.

There isn’t much on the tele in the mornings anymore, so we were flipping around again and yet again Evanesence was playing on MTV. Later, it played on VH1, too. That’s three mornings it’s played around the same time, and it makes me wonder why? Ken’s not a big fan of her whispy/whiney voice but hasn’t listened to much of their music. When I mentioned that I like it, but have been downplaying to discourage myself, he asked me what the appeal was… lyrics? melody? It’s taken a while of listening, and I think my opinion is that it’s completely chick music. Let me explain. Women are very strongly driven by emotion, yes? Sometimes a musician/group comes along that taps into some missing emotional need that we women have. In Evanesence’ case, I think it’s the slightly depressed side of us. The quiet little voice inside that whispers that we do too much work, that life is too hard, that it hurts. Sometimes you need to wallow in those emotions in order to feel verified. Sometimes it’s nice to know that other women understand and feel the same way. Sometimes you need to shut the blinds and turn off the lights and just feel.

That’s my story and I’m stickin’ to it.

Lets start at the beginning though (as if you thought I’d start anywhere else).

Friday went very well. We got lots of sleep, had the car ready and packed and were on our way by noon. We stopped by the grocery for pop, juice, water and ice (our contribution to the bbq Sat), and started driving. The 4.5 hr drive took 6 hrs. Most of it was the hour we spent driving 30 miles on 495 in/around Washington. We just *had* to hit it around rush hour, didn’t we? We found the hotel after turning down the wrong street only once, and sat down to wait. We found Norm almost immediately and sat to chat while waiting for others to arrive. They trickled in, and before we knew it there was a large crowd gathering in the lobby. We finally started the bit of a walk to the restaurant (about 2 blocks – but apparently more than my body wanted but I digress). The restaurant, though small, was great about accommodating such a large crowd, and we found ourselves (L to R = Rob (crouching), Tonya (burgundy shirt), Peter (hand over mouth), Greg (back turned), Michelle (hand over mouth – copy cat!), Matthew (thumbs up), Sexiest Man Alive (head turned to side) spread (L to R = Pat (half of him), Rob (vertical!), Norm (blocking Tonya), and the same people as before) along (L to R = Tim (very huggable, great bbq’r), Jenn (cutest, craziest Irish girl I know), Eric (laughing), Ellen (Eric’s super sweet, beautiful gf)) a single row of tables and booths that we had all to ourselves (a good thing, too, since most everybody was seat-hopping).
More Pictures:
Jenn being her crazy self and subtly stealing condiments for the bbq tomorrow.
Roger and Barb (the super kind peeps who put us up for the weekend in their room).
The elusive Pb (Peter), his wife Sandy (on the left), Derek, and the back of Roger’s head.
Beautiful (Teri), Karen (the most lovely pregnant woman I’ve ever seen!), and Ted (her astoundingly tall hubby).
Tonya (such a cutie!) and Greg (trying to hide, HA!)
Dinner was good (it was much later than usual, combined with my anxiety meant I had some trouble getting it down), and I got more than a few questioning looks and several people chastizing the waiter when they served me cranberry juice in a wine glass! I have such caring friends. We made it back to the hotel and hung out in a little sitting area behind the lobby for quite a while, talking. Ken and I retired early because we were tired and I started having a little bit of a problem. I figured my body was upset at me for the standing around and walking we’d done that evening. Wasn’t terribly upset about it though. The room we were in was a really nice suite (the whole hotel was fantastic!) with two bedrooms, a kitchen, and a sitting area with a pull-out couch (where we slept). It was surprisingly comfortable, too. Much moreso than our own pull-out!
Saturday had us up at a surprising 6:30am. Silly internal clocks! We were going to have muffins for breakfast, but found out the hotel had a stellar continental breakfast so I went down and got some (scrambled eggs, sausage, french toast, grapefruit, yogurt, milk) while Ken stuck with muffins (?). We gathered in the sitting room of the lobby around 11 and waited for the others to join us. Around 12:30 or so most everyone was there and we took off for the park (to which we had no directions to or any clue where it was, thank goodness Karen is so organized!). The park was beautiful, and though it was a bit of a trek to the picnic shelter (for me, current state-o-health, at least) we made it without incident. The whole afternoon was a blast! We sat and talked, ate fantastic food (Tim is the best bbq’er in teh world!), played games, and had a great time! We finally starte packing things up around 6 or 7 and headed back to the hotel. We decided to order pizza in the lobby while some people headed for the pool/hot tub. I joined them, though just dangled my toes in the water (apparently a bad move, as it later turned out). When the food arrived we sat in the lobby/sitting area and ate and watched Iron Chef on the big screen tele. Much talking and enjoyment was had. I was feeling a bit off, though I attributed it to eating so late. Apparently it was the toe-dangling/splashing in the water, or the whole day catching up to me, because around 11 I got the internal signal to get the hell outta Dodge. The day had caught up to me, big time, and as a result I didn’t sleep much that night (paranoia + fear + frequent “pit stops” = very little sleep). I feel aweful, too, since I know I woke up Tonya more than once using her bathroom. I hope I didn’t mess up her sleep too much.

Sunday had us up a bit later than Saturday… we slept til quarter to 8! We went downstairs for food again (blueberry bagel, milk, yogurt, grapes, juice); Ken had muffins. I was tired and feeling icky and simply wanted to be home, so we packed up earlier than we’d expected and headed home. I didn’t get the chance to say goodbye to anybody but Roger, Barb, and Tonya (and Tim and Matthew the night before), which I regret, but I really just wanted to go home. The drive was fairly uneventful, and we stopped and had ice cream at one point. I showered as soon as we got home, and felt ages better. Outside of the fun I had this weekend, I’m grateful for the reminder of how wonderful home feels when you’re not feeling well! I’d been feeling a bit trapped here last week, and right now I’m just loving it. We went out and got some groceries and had a quiet evening last night. Went to bed at 9, since we were both drained, and slept great.

I’m feeling much better today, though I still plan on taking things very easy. I lost a few pounds over the weekend – I think due to my lack of appetite. I also left out that I think I have a sty. Ick! I thought it was an infected tear-duct, but it’s not leaking/pusing, it’s just sore/swollen. I used a warm compress twice last night, pulled a hair that I think was in it, and rubbed it with gold (blame Pop for that one). Whichever one it was that helped, or all of them, it’s finally feeling better (it started acting up friday) and is less swollen today. *shrug* I don’t care, as long as it goes away!

Today we’re supposed to get a high of 86! I’ve already got the patio door open, though it’s a bit chilly it’s nice having fresh air in here. Once it warms a bit, in an hour or two, I’ll open up the rest of the house too. There’s supposed to be 20-30 mph winds too (else I’d dry the laundry on the line), so that should clear out the whole house of winter air and make things more fresh feeling in here. I plan on taking it easy today. Just laundry. We’ll be having burgers on the bbq for dinner (so I don’t have much to do). I think I’ll get that sock done…

On the pregnancy front, I realized and told Ken this morning that I highly suspect I’m having a girl. One of my books suggests that an “expert ultrasound technician should be able to tell the sex of the baby” starting next week. Well, I’m due for an ultrasound on monday, so perhaps we’ll find out? I’ll also be having the blood test to check my chances of the baby having downs syndrome. I hope things turn out ok.

Well, yesterday went surprisingly well. I hardly bled at all (w00t), and by evening there wasn’t any. Overnight was the same, nuthin. I’m taking this as a good thing. From what I’ve read (and talked to Pop last night), it sounds like I’ve got either a Protein C or Protein S Deficiency. It’s hereditary, and Pop said Mom had a protein deficiency of some sort, so… I’ll be asking Dr. Miller in two weeks if, when she writes up my bloodwork form, I can have a protein test done. There’re drugs I can take to assist, if that’s the problem (heparin), and it’d at least be a relief to know what we’re dealing with.

I’m still going to take it easy though, despite things going so well at the moment *knock on wood*. We’ll be leaving shortly for Washington. We’re pretty damned excited about it. Not being able to do the museums won’t be a damper at all, since it’ll give us more time with our friends. Oh! I’m supposed to bring cards/games! Good thing I remembered!

See some of you soon, see other’s of you on Monday!

I’m feeling, slightly justifiably, pessimistic right now. You’ll understand in a moment.
It started tuesday, around 3am. I woke up and things felt… moist. Made it to the bathroom, trying to keep from making a mess (ha!). I was bleeding, a lot. No pain, which occured to me a bit later after the initial shock wore off and reassured me that things really *could* be worse. I knew that my Mom had bled rather heavily through both her pregnancies, and had troubles beyond that with my sister. That, too, was slight consolation. At the time, however, I thankfully slipped quickly into shock (which proved later to cause problems, but I digress). There really isn’t anything that can prepare you for something like that. I called to Ken to wake him up, and after the initial shock wore off him we started getting me, the bathroom and the bedroom cleaned up. I say “we”, but it was mostly him. I got me cleaned up and then curled up on a clean spot of the floor. We got most of the stains out of the carpet, we got all the stains out of the sheets, bath mat, and mattress linens (I fully endorse Shout stain remover, it gets out anything!), and we curled up on the floor to sleep. Not the most comfortable, and I highly un-suggest it unless you’re drunk or desperate.

Why, you’re asking, didn’t we high-tail it to the ER? Well, simple really. I knew I wasn’t miscarrying (no pain), and I had a dr’s appointment the next day anyways. Might as well just bear-with and talk to Dr. Miller later that day.

Dr. Miller and I talked about the preliminary stuff… usual stuff. My ultrasound from last month looked great (I figured, since she hadn’t called me about anything about it). I told her I had a retinologist and had a clean bill-of-health from him (and that I’ll be seeing him periodically throughout/after the pregnancy). She thought that was a great idea and was glad to hear it. She wanted to see my sugar-log and I showed her. She’s asked that I start testing an hour after eating, and I’m going to accomodate her (at least until the next checkup when I’m hoping she’ll be satisfied with how controlled I am). I told her about the bleeding the previous night and everything that’d happened. When she checked me, she was slightly worried about the amount of bleeding (I made a bit of a mess on the table), but she said my cervix was looking great (she actually had me coughing, which was kinda funny, to check that). She said that many women bleed and they simply don’t know why. She pulled out the heart monitor and rolled it around my belly. At first we heard something but it turned out to be me. We did, though, hear the baby’s heart beating away. I can’t tell you how much relief that was! She scheduled me for a peri-natologist to check on me in two weeks, along with another ultra-sound. She also squeezed me in and did an internal ultrasound after my appointment yesterday. We saw the baby, and he/she looks great. Heart’s beating away, hands/arms were waving around, legs both accounted for. He/She was banging his/her fists together and we figure he/she was practicing for Rock-Paper-Scissors. She said my cervix looks great, and is very nicely sealed. She also found a blood clot. That’s where the blood is coming from. It’s rather large, she said, and it’s something we’re going to have to keep an eye on. The concern with it is it can become infected and cause me to abort the baby. It was so frustrating to hear her saying that we could have a prefectly beautiful little baby in there and the clot could cause the pregnancy to terminate. I’m only slightly less than furious at my body for doing this. She’s said that I’ll be bleeding out this stuff for the next few weeks, but as long as there’s no pain we’re ok. I asked her what a miscarriage would feel like… how *much* pain? She said it’d be like labour, since that’s pretty much what it is. Gotcha. At least I don’t have to worry about the mild cramps now (had some last night, but I tend to after the poking/prodding from the appointment so I wasn’t worried).

So… I’m on “take it easy” for the next week. I think she was relieved when I said that, no, I don’t work, I’m a housewife. I asked how “easy” she meant, and I’m not allowed to go for hikes/long walks, no vaccuming (hehe), no spending hours cooking meals (shorter-time meals are going to be the nom du jour, and Ken helping sometimes – like he did last night), and to pretty much sit as much as possible. It always sounds so glamourous and relaxing when someone tells you to spend lots of time on the couch… until the reality of it seeps in. Afterwards I realized that I do that most of the time anyways (though we’d wanted, after this past few weeks of rain, to start walking after dinners – not now though). My life isn’t going to change much because of that. I’m also on “Pelvic Rest”. This, however, was not so well received. I’m forbidden from any sex or orgasms for the next month. I, rather ashamedly, admit that I kinda whined to her about that (well, repeatedly questioned and balked at it, really). She warned that it may end up being for the rest of the pregnancy! ACK!! I think we can get through a month, and I’m praying she gives the thumbs up after that. I’m honestly scared at the prospect of no sex for the next 7-8 months. Ken and I talked about it and he knows what my fears are. We talked about it and I’m not as scared about it affecting our relationship. Sex isn’t what holds us together. We can do this. I am, however, worried about how things might change after we’re given the A-OK after the baby is born and I’m healed up. I *really* like our sex life right now. It’s exactly what/how much I need to feel fulfilled. Afterwards, it’ll be like strangers again, I’m scared of. Things will have moved in me, we’ll be tired from taking care of the baby… *sigh* Whatever we have to do though…

So now we’re playing things by ear. We’re still hoping to make it to DC this weekend. It shouldn’t be too hard, really. I’ll have to remember to spend as much time sitting as I can (that’s how I’m remembering/referring to it anyways). I won’t be able to visit any museums or go on any tours, but I can still sit and talk with my friends. They’re why we’re going anyways. Besides, last night we cooked several dozen cookies for them… we have to go! I’m going to make muffins later this afternoon (they’re the easiest “goodie” I make), too. All the same, we’re prepared to not go if things “flare up” today. I’m taking it easy, and since yesterday evening the bleeding’s eased up quite a bit. We’ll see.

I’ve done some researching and (though I already knew this) it’s going to be a waiting game. I hate it though. I’m basically waiting to see if I miscarry. Waiting for bad news… sucks. I know that there’s a possibility the clot will be reabsorbed within the next 6 wks. That’d be the ideal situation. It might cause some scarring on my uterus, but I’d have a healthy baby. I asked about placenta previa (where the placenta forms low/over the cervix) and she said it was a tad low but it’s too early to tell yet. They won’t know until the third trimester. I’ll be asking the dr about if I should start taking low doses of aspirin to help dissolve the clot. I’ll also be having more blood work done, to test my hbA1c and a blood test to see the baby’s chances of having down’s syndrome.

And so we wait…

Friday was a good day for us. We pulled apart the bumper and found that yes, we can replace it and the molding bits on either side. We ordered those bits and they should get here this or next week.

Saturday we went to Middletown and saw The Girl Next Door. It was really funny and cute. There were hardly any people in the theatre, and beyond some initial projection problems we had a great time. Two thumbs up! A big part of my enjoyment came from a moment in the movie where the lead actress was looking especially beautiful and I leaned over to Ken and asked if he wouldn’t rather I looked like that? Without hesitation and with complete sincerity he informed me that I do. Tehe!! We went for lunch, where my pregnant state reared it’s craving-laden head and after guzzling 3 glasses of milk I ordered a burger with fries and gravy. That was the important part. Ken had something that included the salad bar, and I requested he bring me back some black olives and watermelon. Both were scrumptious! After lunch we went to Home Despot (ick, but necessary) and bought parts for our new indoor fountain we made Sunday. We picked up a woodworking mag that we’re going to get Ken a subscription for, some twizzlers, envelopes, then headed back to the theater. We saw Hellboy next. It was good, though very comic-booky. Not so much an action film, though there was action in it. Very neat and tidy plot ending. No loose ends. We enjoyed it, but less than we’d expected to. Good times regardless. We headed back home then and relaxed the rest of the evening.

Sunday found me rooting around the back/side yard for appropriately sized/shaped rocks for the soon-to-be-constructed fountain. We got a bunch, washed, bleached (Ken did that part), and arranged prettily in the wide bowl we’d bought. Filled the holes in the bowl (it was intended to be a plant pot), put in the rocks, fiddled with it and rearranged things several times, and we’re left with is this. It makes a nice tinkly sound, and made a big difference in air moisture in the bedroom last night. We talked this morning of perhaps turning the “dining rm/sitting area” into the baby’s “room” (instead of our bedroom) and I think it’d be nice to have the fountain in there for the baby to listen to (instead of some repetitive lullaby sung by a small, lite-up machine). Things to consider…

I’ve got a fairly easy week this week, despite having lots to do. Perhaps it’s all attitude though. Laundry is today, definately. I’d like to get that sock done, and the christmas ornaments (we picked up a knife this weekend to cut the foam-core with). I’ve got cookies and squares to make for next weekend (those’ll likely be done thursday so they’re as fresh as I can make’em). I’ve got a dr’s appt on wednesday with Dr. Miller. I’m still confident she’ll understand and respect my decision not to see the endo/quack. My sugar’s have been even better than ever the past month, so I think that’ll help her see that I’m more than capable of caring for myself.

…and that’s about that.