This past was the first in a long line of busy weekends ahead. Kate and Austin came down to visit and help us out. Saturday had Ken and Austin staining the back deck, which was a great help. This upcoming weekend, Wayne will becoming down to visit/help. Ken’s hoping to get the flooring in, and if there’s time do the trim as well. The weekend after is when Ken’s leaving for HK. After that I’m hoping Sharon can come down. Then Ken’s return from HK.

Tomorrow we’re going to be going for the next House Inspection, Phase 4 Completed. They’ve also, apparently, got some of the flooring in as well. We’re both going, Ken and I, along with the boys and the camera. I’ll be taking lots of pictures; excited doesn’t quite cover it.

I’ve been pretty stressed about a lot of things lately – thus less posting, since I don’t want to think about it if I can help it (which I can’t, most of the time, but I try). The houses, Ken’s job, parenting… it’s pretty whelming. Not quite “over”, but close to it. Ken had me write out my stress points this weekend – to what end I don’t know. Should I burn them? There’s no solutions to any of them that I can see… it’s all stuff that I just have to wait to end.

When I’m feeling overwhelmed by something, these days, I blog. Right now I’m feeling overwhelmed by getting the house ready for our visitors who’ll be arriving shortly after lunch (later than they’d thought, so I’ve got a bit extra time). I need to vacuum, desperately, I need to clean up the everything, I need to do laundry (which’ll be going on all day long). Simple things, I’m sure you’d say, but I also have to keep in mind the eating and napping needs of two little monsters as well as keeping them amused and/or out of the way. This is going to be a challenge. However, yesterday I managed to make cookies (spread out before and after some Little Man’s nap) so I have more confidence in getting things done.

Time to put on my Supergirl panties…

Well, got everything done and such, but the Supergirl panties got all in a wad cause I ate just too many cookies and my sugar went up and when it does that I get … tense.  There were several time-outs this morning because Momma’s patience ran thin.  (that and somebody was super tired and hungry and, therefore, cranky.)

Night before last, Ken and I had our yearly (biyearly?) row. It’s pretty rare that we truly fight since we both hate confrontation and tend to talk things out before things get heated. However, stress and tiredness had a hand in and we did fight. That much isn’t of much import as something that came up. When we fight, inevitably the question of “Do you want to get a divorce?” surfaces. Remember… accumulated stress is typically a key ingredient to our fights. When it came up, I thought about it for a moment and asked Ken “What do you really mean when you ask me about divorce?” He replied that he wants to know whether I’d be happier elsewhere and if that’s what I want. Thing is, that’s the exact same question thing I’m asking when I bring up the “D” word. I reflected to him that perhaps we’re asking the wrong question. What we really want is to make the other happy, even if it means away. He asked me if I thought we should seek counseling, and I thought about it and replied that I figured a counselor would be doing the same thing we were at the time – helping us talk it out. So we did. We aired our grievances… grand and petty. We also aired our appreciations, which I think is an important flip-side to the honesty of what’s not quite right in a relationship. It’s so easy to focus on what’s bugging you, and to assume the other person understands the things you appreciate about them. They may, they may not, but why risk that and why not make them feel extra good about those little, specific things that make life easier for you. I didn’t know that Ken appreciates that, despite having the boys take up so much of my time I still do my best to get relatively healthy, good meals prepared for us. I never knew that. It felt good hearing it. I told Ken, in response, that I appreciate when he comes home and takes over in watching the boys so that I *can* cook in relative peace. It’s funny that one of our appreciations was so simpatico.

Ken and I are so much alike it’s… bizarre? suspicious? perfect? Despite being different sexes and having different interests and affinities, we both tend to approach problems the same way. We feel emotions similarly. We communicate similarly. It makes being married to him very, very easy. It makes it clear to me that we’re going to be together for the rest of our lives.

We’re so totally hooked on these damned syrups.  We’ve run out of two of them already, and are coming up on the other 4.  So I’m ordering all new flavours today!
Cherry
Chocolate Milano
Creme de Menthe
Blackberry
Kiwi
Tiramisu

Not all for use with coffee, though the surprise of how well Maple and Cinnamon went with coffee means I’ll definately try anyways.  The fruit ones will go towards yogurt because we discovered a squirt or two of Vanilla in plain yogurt tastes exactly like the vanilla yogurt you buy in the store (better, since you can pump up that vanilla flavour if you want) and was great.  I’m also going to try them in baking – likely in my weekendly muffins, to see what yummy treats I can conjure.

A few weeks ago I saw the smaller version of the bottles I buy, Caramel flavour, in the grocery store.  For $5!  Half the size and slightly more of the price than buying online.  Oh internets… how my bank account loves you!

This morning I told Ken something I’ve been sorting around in my head for a while now.  Getting used to the idea, and dealing with my emotional attachment to the change.  I’ve been letting go of our 3rd child.  The one we were going to have after Victor.  The one we were going to try so.damned.hard to be a girl.  We have the perfect name for her.  I thought about sharing it, but I’m not quite ready for that yet.

I’m sure more than one person reading this entry will think I’m a big ol’ Drama Queen… that I’m being stupid.  I don’t think I can explain to anyone who doesn’t/hasn’t felt it; just how much I wanted to have a little girl… how sure I was that 3 was the perfect number of kids for us… and how sad it makes me feel to know it’s just not right for us to strive for anymore.  If it should happen, though… if I should be one of the 1-3% of women on birth control who slip through the cracks… if The Fates should make the decision for us… then we will welcome that child with so very much joy.  But we won’t try; and knowing that, stupidly, irrationally, hurts.

Victor and the Giggling Crow (sounds like a book title, doesn’t it?) and The Raspberry Machine (doesn’t he have the most deliciously plump lips?!).

Ken had to work a half-day on Saturday, but we still managed to get our usual Saturday stuff done, which was really nice, and we got a LOT done on Sunday.  The storage unit is almost full, so we’re going to have to start getting creative in hiding things around the house.  We already know that the microwave will have to be stowed in the car when the house is being shown, and we’ll be hiding the dehumidifier as well.

A few minutes ago I put Victor, face up to play with his dangly toys, on his playmat.  I just looked over and he’s happily grinning at me on his stomach.  Now, he’s rolled from front to back for a while, and back to side, but I’m not sure that he’d really rolled from back all the way to front all on his own.  Yay!  (Now he’s starting to crank so I’ll have to go roll him back.)  He’s started spinning himself too – he’ll roll to his side and progressively arch his back way out, pull his legs forward, and straighten.  It takes him a while, but he does it.

I received my yarn this weekend.  Oh it’s SO YUMMY!  Super soft, love the colour, and there’s just.so.much!  I can’t wait to start on something with it.  Definitely going to do something in lace – either a stole or a shawl – once I get just the right pattern.  It’ll be a while, yet since I’ve got other, more pressing, things on my plate just now.

Kate and Austin, Ken’s sister and man, are coming to visit on Friday.  It’ll be nice to have company, and Ken and Austin will be staining the deck.  The weekend after that, Wayne – Ken’s Dad – will be visiting as well.  We’re hoping to get the flooring in the dining/kitchen done, and the interior doors done.  I’m especially looking forward to the doors because our bedroom door hasn’t been clicking shut, and anytime a door is closed or a gust of wind blows through the house it opens.  Ethan’s not allowed in there and it’s hard keeping him out.

I finally got my hands on some sesame seeds and plan on making baba ghanouj and hummus in the near future.  Likely baba ghanouj first since I’ve had it before and love it!

Here’s a pic to help your friday be more smiley…

If you click there’s a bigger pic. I had to constrain the proportions to fit my page (who knows if it fits yours!). He’s such a big guy, huh? Barely fits in that little tub, and it’s not small either! I have a feeling we’ll be putting on the bracket thingy and having him sit up from now on.

With children they happen constantly, so it’s hard to step back an say “Hey, remember this!”  But right now I’m remembering.

Remembering that Victor has started this new thing with his teething where he’ll put something in his mouth, clamp down with his gums, and then viciously rip it out while still clamped.  He growls when he does it, too.

Remembering that today Ethan took his diaper off, yet again, to play with his penis.  He undid the snaps of his overalls and pulled off the diaper.  The crotch snaps to his shirt were still all done up.

These are my sons.  These weird, crazy boy-childs.  Damn but I’m proud of them!

Yet again we butt up against the stress of life for us right now and snarl at it – meaning we’re snarling at each other more.  It doesn’t help, but it’s a reaction, not an action.  We’re trying to remain aware of it and keep positive that things will improve once the house is sold and we’re in the new place.  Things will improve, too (I hope) when Ken’s work stress goes down a bit after he goes to HK.   The tickets are bought now, so I’m optimistic that the end date for his heightened stress-level is (fairly) firmly set.  I’ve been stressing over getting the house ready.  Afterall, the house and it’s upkeep are a significant part of my “job”, so therefore it’s my job to get the house ready to sell.  With two kids underfoot.  Yeah.  Stressing myself overmuch there, aren’t I?  I know I am, but still I’m pressuring myself to do better.

So!  Today I’ve written out a list of the things I hope I can get done despite the little rug-rats.

• excess/winter clothes into spare suitcases/boxes and clean out the master closet
• start the kitchen purge – pack up tea, excess pantry stuff, excess spice cabinet stuff, junk drawer, countertops, etc.
• paint touch-up (not sure I’ll have time for this one, though)
• hang picture in bedroom

There’s more, but I can’t think off the top of my head right now and the list is over next to the sleeping baby.

We *are* making progress, it’s just been a bit more slow lately.  Ken’s going to be working late the next week+, so to keep from getting too stressed about the house and missing him I’m going to try and get things done as best I can.  Progress always makes me feel better.

Got the long and the short of it today.  The stuff taken (doorknobs, locks, stairway railing brackets, etc) was all in a box, *ready to install*.  Not installed.  I’m immensely relieved by this as I was just confounded by someone’s idiocy/desperation at undoing all those screws for each doorknob and saving each bit of hardware so there wouldn’t be missing pieces.  The door was undamaged, but the frame was hurt and the lock thingy was hurted so they’ll fix that “you’ll never know it’d happened!”.  It was done sometime Sun evening after 3pm because there was a subcontractor there until then, and when Ken drove by Mon am the door was hanging open.  Thank goodness the house will be done soon, cause I’m going to be worrying the rest of the time about something more major being taken/damaged.
I went for another dr’s appt this evening.  Cholesterol’s down from 250 to 200 (w00t!), HbA1c’s same as it was at a lovely 6.3 (but I can do better, things have been rough the past few months), and my thyroid level was a bit low.  Huh.  I’m on the smallest dosage for the drugs, so now I’m going to be taking *half* pills and will be figuring out how to split them along that oh-so-convenient line in the pill.  We’ll see how that works out.  Also?  This time, last year (slightly pregnant) I weighed 6lbs more than I weigh right now.  YAY!  The nurse said she was jealous and I pointed to Victor and asked if she was also jealous of the accompanying back ache from carrying around my “personal trainer” all day?   Still, made me feel good to know I’m getting closer to a weight I’m comfortable being (at least until I can start working out again).

Victor got his 4m shots and screamed like a banshee while they were being done.  Turned bright, cherry red too.  He recovered fairly quickly though, so I’m proud of him.

I’m pretty confident that all the developmental milestone information is just an exercise in messing with my head.  I read them, then compare to what my kids are doing, and it doesn’t make any sense.  I don’t have other kids around to compare, so I can’t really tell, but when they say things like that Ethan shouldn’t be able to read the alphabet or count past 3-5, I’m confused.  He can, and more.  He reads upper and lower case letters (and no, not just when they’re in alphabetical order and not even necessarily upright).  He counts to 29 and higher (if you provide the ten’s numbers… 30, 40, 50, etc) and he reads those numbers, too.  He knows all the animals and all their sounds (with just the occasional instance of calling something a sheep that isn’t a sheep).  He aurally recognizes certain classical music pieces (though that’s entirely due to watching Little Einsteins) within seconds of the piece commencing.
I don’t want you to think I’m bragging.  I’m proud of him, yes, but this is me being damned confused.  The developmental charts say he shouldn’t be doing any of this for another 1-3 yrs.  So he’s advanced?  No, because I’ve heard/read about other children who can do this and more, and there’s a good deal he *doesn’t* do.  So what do we do?  Work harder on the stuff he doesn’t know/do, and let the letters/numbers slide?  Work on the next step after letters/numbers (spelling and addition/subtraction)?  Is this stuff going to all even out once he starts school, or is he going to be way ahead on some stuff and peer-comparable on others?  Are all kids like this?  Are all mothers as neurotic as I feel?

Parenting: an exercise in worry and paranoia.

Guess what? The new house got broken into this past weekend! They damaged the door frame since they pushed in the door, and they stole shelf supports and door knobs. Door knobs that had already been installed. Yeah. We’ll have full inventory once the contractor figures out everything, but that’s the jist of it. It’s unlikely we’ll make it an insurance issue, since it’s piddly stuff, but it doesn’t exactly make me feel great about a few weeks down the road when they’re going to be installing appliances. I know it’s not uncommon for construction break-ins to happen, and this is mild compared to what could have been, but still… this is the 2nd time someone’s stolen from us on that property (the first being when someone stole my Mother’s Day Lilac we’d planted). I’m equally angry and concerned.

I updated the boys’ galleries, though, to help assuage the pain.

Up: against my expectations I won an ebay auction. Really good quality fingering weight (sock) yarn, green (my favourite colour), and in mass amounts (mill ends, 18oz!). The same yarn typically sells in 4oz skeins for $17.50 ea and I got the auction for $36. I’m more than pleased. This means, though, that I *really* need to get that ball winder! I can’t decide whether I want to make a bunch of socks from it or try my hand at a lace shawl (there’s two, there) or stole that I’ve been drooling over the prospect of. Heck, at almost 1900yds I may be able to do both!

Down: forgot to put up a window in the car and that storm that’s hitting the Easter US? The one that’s blowing so hard we’ve wondered about the siding? The one that’s pelted even the topmost edges of the windows (the ones under the eaves where it never gets wet)? THAT storm… is helping to wash Ethan’s car seat! (guess that’s an ‘up’ then, huh?). The seat’s been in the car for less than a year, we don’t feed him in it often at all, and don’t allow snacks, and it’s still disgusting! Eww!

All Around: we got loads done this weekend, mostly in our bedroom which is now completely rearranged. Thankfully the previous owner left leftover paint stored under the stairs, and thankfully it was still good since we patched some wall anchor holes and painted over the spots and it looks good. We’ve also got the top of the fridge cleaned off (that’s where I had my stand mixer stored) and the last of Victor’s room boxed up. We discovered, late last night, that he doesn’t handle well not having us spend adequate personal time with him. He was fine yesterday, despite all the times we had to leave him to play on the floor (a lot of the day), but last night while I was putting him down and he was half-asleep he.started.screeeeeeaming. Like, you just ripped out my arm screaming. We had no idea, other than he’d not pooped yesterday (and he’s pretty sensitive to his digestive cycles), and he kept screaming like that for a long time, with Ken and I on the floor with him trying to distract and help him feel better. He’s *never* screamed like that before, even when he was colicky. So we played and he was up late but he slept, finally, and gave me an especially stinky present this morning for my efforts.

Oh, and we apparently named the boys the wrong names. A long while back, Ethan kept insisting “Steve”… it was his favourite and only word he’d say. Now? Victor wants us to call him Raoul. Don’t they understand these names just don’t mesh with our last name?!

Last night, went fine, no shots.  None because it’d only been 7 weeks since the last set, and it needs to be 8 weeks.  I wish they’d explained that before we made the appointment, is all I’m saying.

18lbs 9oz (oy!) and 26″ tall (I’m going to go with the 26.75″ we measured last week since that’s actually along his growth percentile line and their measurement drops him way down).  He’s a big boy.  Strong too, as Dr. Kong noted (we already know this) and a bit ahead of the developmental margins.  He’s fitting into 6-12m clothes (Old Navy) and the 9m stuff from Carters fits immediately right this instant now, while the 12m Carters stuff is a bit long in the leg and comfortably sized in the torso.  Big.Boy.  Not fat in the least, just big.  By the time he’s a year old, he’ll weigh what Ethan weighs right.now.  Our hopes of Victor wearing all of Ethan’s old clothes are quickly being dashed.  It won’t be long before they’re wearing the same clothes, we suspect (which, in the long run, may be a benefit).  Today he’s wearing an outfit that Ethan wore at 7.5mo *corrected* (10mo actual age).

I know it seems like I compare them a lot, but how can I not?  They’re so very different, and those differences amaze me to no end.  And scare me a bit.  I hope they don’t ever see their differences as a bad thing, but instead we can teach them to embrace different.  Different is good.  So very good.